


54321

by Molly_Hats



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Barry Bluejeans has Panic Disorder, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Protective Lup (The Adventure Zone), TAZ Candlenights Exchange, TAZ Candlenights Exchange 2020, some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Molly_Hats/pseuds/Molly_Hats
Summary: At Camp Eversummer, Barry is just starting to feel at home with his fellow counselors, including a very cute woman named Lup. Of course that’s the cue for his body to spontaneously enter DEFCON-1.Barry has his first panic attack in months. Lup helps.A gift for lequeenofmoondoor for the Candlenights exchange
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15
Collections: The Candlenights Zone (2020 Exchange)





	54321

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lequeenofmoondoor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lequeenofmoondoor/gifts).



Before the campers wake up is one time counselors have to themselves. Another is mealtimes, when campers enter Taako’s realm of showmanship, culinary excellence, and more than a few insults. 

“Come on, move your butts!” Taako yells from inside the mess hall. “I’ve been slaving away all morning, you can pick up the pace. You gotta eat it hot, you know.”

Behind her loose line of campers, Lup rolls her eyes and hollers back. “It’s 80 degrees out here! It’s not getting cold any time soon!”

“You don’t get to have an opinion on food anymore! I’ve seen you let the kids butcher their own s’mores!”

“They taste better that way!”

Barry hides a smile. The first few days, the twins’ banter scared him a bit. Now he’s come to hear the affection behind the insults, the familiarity weaving through the words. He sees the smirk when Lup replies, the exaggeration in the expression of outrage on Taako’s face at her culinary crimes.

In his pocket, Barry feels his hand start to tingle. Shit shit not right now! He can’t have a panic attack now! He doesn’t know if the fear in his thoughts is from the attack or the idea of breaking down in front of the kids, he can’t breathe, his hands freeze despite the summer heat.

“T-Taako’s right, guys,” he says, the words somehow squeezing past his oversized heart that’s too high in his chest and pumping too fast, a bird bashing itself against his rib cage. “Don’t want your food to get cold.” Calm down calm down calm down what did the therapist say it’s been too freaking long he thought this was over.

As the last kid slips through the door, Barry tries to sigh in relief but doesn’t have enough air. He turns the corner and slides down the side wall, avoiding the windows. 

Breathe, he needs to breathe, the kids can’t see him this way. Breathe, he doesn’t have enough air, he shoves his hands into the ground and frantically rubs them trying to get feeling in them again. Breathe, breathe the numbers but he doesn’t have enough air and he needs to breathe more, he needs to gasp, he knows logically he needs to stop, he’s hyperventilating, but he’s drowning and he can’t stop sucking in water.

Think, think, there’s stuff to do here, things he can do to help himself, but it’s been so long and he might be thinking fast but not very productively.

There’s a shadow above him, and he looks up to see Lup.

“S-sorry,” he chokes out. “I can—I’ll be back in in a minute, sorry to leave you hanging—“

Lup shakes her head, dropping to her knees in front of him. “It’s okay, Taako’s got the kids.” Her hand reaches for his shoulder but freezes in midair. “Can I touch you?”

He nods, and her warm hands take his upper arms. He’s freezing despite the heat, and her hands feel like blankets piled on in the cold of winter, pressure and warmth whispering _safe, calm, comfort_.

“Can you breathe with me?”

“M-maybe,” Barry answers honestly. “I’ve been...trying but I...can’t get enough.”

“Trying is good enough for me. In...out…”

Barry breathes a couple more times, trying to force his lungs to comply under Lup’s supervision. 

“Do you remember that grounding exercise they gave us in training?”

Barry shakes his head, still trying to force out breath though his lungs gasp for more, to _inhale dammit_. 

“Yeah, I don’t blame ya,” Lup says. “There was a lot of info and your brain’s not gonna work great during a panic attack. You want me to walk you through it?”

Barry nods.

“Alright, it’s 54321, right? Five things you can see, focus on small stuff you don’t notice most of the time, like shadows or textures.”

 _She’s done this before_ , Barry’s racing mind supplies. _She knows the lines_.

Five. Five things. Barry’s eyes dart to his tingling hands. Dirt beneath his fingers pale and dry not yet to the point of cracking but easy to brush away, the texture of his mom’s well-used blush palette. The shadow of the grass blades, the shifting shapes of light beneath them. Lup’s palm flattening it. The line along her arm where her already tan skin has grown darker with sun. Lup’s brown eyes projecting concern without panic, determinedly calm. Dark like the potting soil he got in trouble for disturbing as a kid, warm and soft with the slightest shifts in color.

Was that five things? It felt like more.

“I got em.”

Lup smiles. “Awesome. 4. Things you can feel.”

Lup’s hands on his arms, holding him to the ground and not letting him float away into nothingness. The pins and needles in his hand, static snow swirling around his fingers and up his arm. A knob of wood in the cabin wall digging into his spine, somehow unnoticed until now. A spot of glue on his finger from the morning’s crafting he hasn’t picked off yet.

Barry nods.

Lup grins, nodding back. “You’re doing so well, Barold, I know it’s hard.”

“Finnbar. Barry’s short for Finnbar.”

Lup wrinkles her nose. “That sounds faker than Barold, to be honest.”

“It’s Gaelic.”

“Ohhh.” Lup nods.

“Also, your brother is named Taako, so you really can’t judge.”

Lup frowns, then bursts out laughing. “Damn, Barry, panic cracked open your shell and you came out swinging!”

Barry feels heat rise in his cheeks. “Lup, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—“

Lup dismisses it with a wave of her hand, still grinning. “You’re fine. And you’re breathing a bit easier.”

“Yeah,” Barry says. His heart is no longer an end-of-the-Grinch 3 sizes too big pushing on his lungs.

“Want to keep going?”

Barry nods. The bird in his chest isn’t trying to escape anymore, but he still feels it flapping.

“Three things you can hear. ‘Specially stuff you kinda block out most of the time.” She smirks. “Like the campers whining.”

Barry chokes a laugh. 

The clanking of dishes in the cabin at his back. Taako’s distinctive high warbly voice saying something he doesn’t bother to register. The almost staticky rustling of leaves in the breeze.

“Is smelling next?” Barry asks.

“Yep.” Lup grins, and although she’s done a great job of acting calm, Barry can see genuine relief in her eyes.

That weird nature-y scent of grass and dirt and outdoors. Barry sniffs experimentally and blushes, suddenly hyper-aware of his own sweat from running around this morning and the last few minutes of utter panic.

“So, last thing’s something you can taste,” Lup says, “which is a fuckin’ fantastic segue. You wanna wait out here a bit? I can grab you something.”

“That’d be great. Thanks, Lup. For everything.” 

“Of course.” Lup springs up in a smooth motion and races off.

Barry tilts his head back against the wall and stares up at the pale blue sky. 

Lup’s not just confident and gorgeous and great with people. She’s empathetic and smart and comforting.

Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Candlenights Mads! I haven’t written Blupjeans before, but I hope I did them justice!
> 
> The grounding technique here is the 54321 Grounding Technique: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques.pdf  
> I walk people through it sometimes when I’m volunteering, and their answers often are a poetic little snapshot of their life. It’s helped me as well.
> 
> Thanks to bellafarallones for betaing


End file.
